I went to the park for a dog walk a few weeks ago and saw something that broke my heart.
A young boy was trying to learn to ride his bike, but instead of receiving encouragement, his father was screaming at him and disparaging him for not getting it.
Now, I don’t know what led the person to that point — I’m aware that was only snapshot, so not trying to judge.
Was the father having a bad day? Was the child being difficult? Had his own father spoken to him that way as a child?
But in any case, it was tough to watch. And I’m not sure it was effective.
I thought to myself, “Ugh, this is just the opposite of what the child needs: To be made to feel stupid for trying to learn something new.”
This is a sign of a fixed mindset — the opposite of a growth mindset.
Kids need to be encouraged to show up and try new things, and to be ok with failing, and learn to pick themselves up.
AND SO DO ADULTS.
The reason it was difficult for me to watch this scene was that it hit a little too close to home.
As a child, I also felt like a failure if I came home with results short of perfection.
Then it carried into my adulthood. For too long I stuck with what I knew I excelled at, and pre-rejected myself for opportunities if I thought there was a chance of failure.
I wonder how many people this rings true for. We learn not to try, we grow a protective layer. We feel as though the pain of trying and failing is greater than the pain of never trying at all.
And we feel deficient if we can’t figure things out on our own. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I figure this out?
So I want to tell whomever needs to hear this: You are not deficient, and things can change for you the second you decide to take action and reach out for support.
I never would have figured out how to fix my finances if it had not been modeled to me by the individuals I was lucky enough to be surrounded by that taught me a new way of seeing.
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