“Who Are You?”
The coach wasn’t talking about my title or my offer. She meant the REAL me, the essence of me, what motivates me.
Who knew that such a simple branding question would bring me to tears? And I mean ridiculous, ugly-cry tears. Tears that didn’t stop. They kept coming on and on throughout the entire coaching session and for hours beyond that. So much so that the next day my eyes hurt.
Maybe you can relate, but I don’t really cry when I’m sad. If I am in tears, it is because I am SUPER. FRUSTRATED.
And I’m a Virgo’s Virgo, so I tend to hold things inside. Which means if I’m crying, the frustration has been building for a while.
This woman hadn’t attacked me – Just the opposite: She asked me this question in a very soft, calm voice.
So why had I gotten so emotional?
When things like this happen, sometimes it takes me a minute (or hours) of self-reflection to figure out the root cause.
After the session, I started combing through all my personality tests in search of answers – my Enneagram, DISC assessment, even my Zodiac sign. Then I remembered my Saboteur: Hyper-vigilance.
“The Hyper-Vigilant creates continuous, intense anxiety about all the dangers around you and what could go wrong, causing vigilance that can never rest.”
I remembered the coach’s words: “YOU will show up in your business.” My worries, insecurities, and fears.
I thought about how I grew up around so much instability and chaos. Living in an environment that is hostile, with people who actively tear you down, taught me to always anticipate threats and overcompensate with extreme vigilance. To run as fast as I could and show proof of success as soon as humanly possible, in an attempt to leapfrog past the venomous naysayers who’d inevitably encourage me to “just save your energy and quit” at the first sign of difficulty.
Since then, I’ve always thought, “If I FAIL, it will be due to external circumstances, because IT DAMN SURE won’t be due to any lack of effort on my part. I am going to do THE MOST.”
Hours after my coaching, something struck me. I thought I had extracted myself from all of my family’s toxicity during my 30s.
Nope. Negativity had crept back into my environment only just that morning:
“Me: I had a great meeting this morning, I’m SO pumped!”
Said OUT LOUD to my face: “OK, but don’t get your hopes up.”
Is this persistent negativity really necessary?? Haven’t I proven my ability to follow through?
And why was it that a coach I just met had more faith in my expertise and ability to execute than my own family?
Lately I’ve been in overdrive, doing ALL THE THINGS out of an almost wild desperation to show proof of concept as soon as possible.
Not because I don’t believe in myself. But because I’ve been trying to circumvent the negativity from seeping into my consciousness.
What I’ve learned about entrepreneurship is that, unfortunately, not only does it require YOU to grow and embrace the uncomfortable, but it also necessitates that others grow with you, or get left behind.